Saturday, November 19, 2005 Judging Evil.

I'm in the middle of nowhere once again. Some place between Kitchener and Owen Sound in the pocket of Ontario ruled by German Puritans since the 19th century. But now my family owns a small patch of this godless land. I'll be constructing my alter to Lord Baal next summer, maybe even set up a mission...

I'm reading a book about Jerry Adams and Sinn Fein. I've heard a noise outside that might be gangster rappers or possibly some sort of deer. I bet its a deer, the migration patterns of gangster rappers isn't known to travel this far north unless global warming fucks with things.
I'm ready for the bastard because unlike the wild outdoors I've got a Glock 19 semi-automatic pistol. Whatever is out there is going to be deep in the shit. I'm pissed off, hungover and have withdrawal shakes plus, this particular means of lead conveyance comes equipped with a hair trigger.

I notice the stains of plastic cheese stolen from 7/11 on my clothes. It matches the orange on the Irish Tricolour Gerry Adams holds on the cover of my book perfectly. It makes me a little nervous as the thought crosses my mind that whatever is outside might smell the "yellow taco caulking".

Its a risk I'll have to take. When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, those brain eaters wont stand for hesitation. If my gun had a safety, it would be off.

Moving outside I unload a couple of rounds into a statue of a hedgehog just to show how serious I am about expressing my opinion.

It was a good thing too, I guess I must have spooked off whatever evil was lurking out there because all I could see was my neighbor walking his dog.

He looked a little spooked so I told him I heard evil doers so I've been shooting off firecrackers all night to keep them at bay. I said it for his own peace of mind. Knowing my neighbor had been a "Justice of the Peace" for 30 years I asked him the legality of the operation of fireworks after having consumed large quantities of whiskey, but the best he could say was that he didn't know. That seemed like a suspicious answer for a law man. Especially since it was 3:30am. I asked him what he was doing snooping around my family property at that time of night and secretly wondered if he was in league with that deer that had disappeared. He said he had heard gun shots and wanted to phone the police. I told him good idea. We could round up a mob and trap the fucker before it gets too far away. Then he asked me if I thought I was funny and accused me of some sort of noise complaint. Shit no Your Honour, those days are far behind me now! I'm a defender of our way of life now! I saw through his schemes, and now I know he's in league with that deer.